Bobby Edwards first wrote for Everybody Soccer back in the summer of 2016 for the college player journal project, which had collegiate goalkeepers detailing their experience within their respective programs. Since then, Edwards has traveled the world to continue his professional career, playing for Portadown FC in Northern Ireland before coming back to the US with FC Cincinnati. Heading into the 2021 season, Edwards recently signed with Indy Eleven and although he is prepping for the upcoming season, he took time to talk about a low moment in his career, how he overcame the setback, and a highlight from his time overseas. Cover photo from the Daily Record.
What was one of the worst moments in your playing career as a goalkeeper?
Second game in the MLS for Cincinnati playing home against D.C. United. I made a poor choice to come for a cross I didn't need to. Ended up slipping & dropping the ball for an easy tap in and we'd go on to lose the game 2-1. For me, this was my first time failing on a national spotlight, where I would leave that game and face the backlash of ridicule that comes with it. More than anything, the most gutting feeling was that of letting down my teammates. That my failure wasn't just mine alone, but that I had dragged my teammates down with me.
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How did you overcome the setback?
To answer this one, I think it's best to break it down into 3 parts: the immediate, the rest of the match, & the 72 hours after that.
The immediate: Exactly what it sounds like - the play has just happened. You realize what just occurred and the emotions begin to pour in. This portion is probably the most overwhelming emotionally and mentally, you'll feel about 5000 thoughts racing through your head and feel all eyes on you. In this moment, inside you'll feel like you wish the ground would just open up and swallow you whole. At least I did. Unfortunately, this is also the moment in which, more than ever, you'll need to control your emotions the most. Whether you like it or not - the camera loves failure. Every time a goalkeeper makes a mistake, you will be guaranteed to see a close-up camera angle of the goalkeeper as they relish in their error. It's cruel, but it's the difficult reality.
This is the portion I think I handled the worst. Because while the camera is guaranteed to be giving you the most ill-timed close-up shot, it also gives you an opportunity. It allows you to make a statement with your body language, your response - even if inside you feel awful. That split second can set the course for the rest of the game. In my case, I let my emotions get the better of me, hiding my face in my shirt & allowing my internal emotions to dictate my external presence. Instead, I wish I had been calmer, almost stoic. This is SO IMPORTANT for so many reasons - but biggest of them all, it reflects to your teammates that you are still mentally checked into the game. When your teammates see you losing control of your emotions behind them, it becomes a contagious negative energy that can completely alter the flow of the game.
The rest of the match: Play resumes and your mistake is now cemented on the scoreboard. The eyes shift off you for the time being and you are left alone with your own thoughts of what happened. It is at this point in which you must consciously make the decision to not think about it - even though your brain will make every effort to remind you of your mistake. If I can offer you one piece of advice, the piece of advice I used in my experience - let it be this: force your thinking brain (the thalamus) to drown out your emotional brain (amygdala).
Your thalamus is the part of the brain that handles sensory information (sight, touch, sound, taste, and smell). It handles everything you are currently experiencing in this exact moment. Your amygdala, on the other hand, is responsible for emotional responses, "fight or flight" as it is commonly known. In moments like these, your amygdala is unfortunately not your friend. The easiest way to do this is to speak. Make an extra effort to communicate to your backline, even if it is more so for your own good. When you speak, you are actively using your thalamus and blocking yourself from dwelling on what just happened. Breathe. Focus on full breaths. Force yourself to stand upright and keep your shoulders back. While your brain is an amazing thing, it can actually be pretty stupid too. Studies have proven that you are able to trick your brain by physical actions. Use this to your advantage. And most importantly: DO NOT CHASE THE GAME. Don't alter your play style to try and force yourself on the game. I promise you this will only make things worse.
72 Hours After: This will vary for everyone in their own personal situation. If you are lucky enough to find yourself on the winning side when the final whistle blows, the reality is that your mistake will be mostly forgotten about. However, if you aren't as lucky and find yourself walking away defeated, your mistake will unfortunately overstay its welcome in your and others’ minds. To overcome it, I suggest addressing the team post-match in the locker room. No need for some long, drawn-out speech. Just take ownership of it and set the tone moving forward.
Finally, after a prolonged period of time of holding back emotions, you can ease off and allow yourself to vent without concern for whether or not a camera will be in your face. Speaking to loved ones, a good reminder that there is much more to life than just soccer, helped me tremendously. There will probably be messages from friends giving you the old "keep your head up" line, which although was sent with good intentions, can often just serve as a painful reminder of your error. I just responded with appreciation of their support and didn't allow myself to dwell on it.
Perhaps above all, stay off of social media. Delete the apps if need be. Keep your mind busy and force yourself to think about things other than soccer. Then, when the time comes for your next training session, emphasize the importance of positive energy. Greet those you see with a smile and keep your body language upbeat. This is harder than it sounds & I personally could have done better with this. The way in which your teammates will engage with you is all determined by how you initiate the interaction. If you act like a wounded animal you will be treated like a wounded animal. If you act like it's just another day, so will your teammates. Finally, remind yourself of some wise words my friend Spencer Richey once told me, "Bobby, it's just soccer."
What was one of the most successful moments you experienced as a goalkeeper?
While playing in Northern Ireland with Portadown FC, we were chasing a league title on the road against Newry City FC, another team in the hunt for a top 3 finish. It was a Friday night game and perhaps the coldest conditions I have played in. Frost was covering the field as we walked out. As if the pressure of a road match during a season in which every single game could determine the outcome of the season wasn't enough, my goalkeeper coach from back home had flown out to visit me & was in attendance. The first 15 minutes were terrible. We found ourselves on the back foot immediately, pinned in our own half and being second best to everything. The ball was zipping across the pitch and in the slick conditions it was incredibly tough to get a good grip anytime I had the ball in my hands. We found ourselves down 1-0 early off a penalty and the opposing fans behind me grew increasingly louder with each minute.
At halftime, we got a deserved ripping-into from the manager and took the field to try and salvage something from the game that had arguably been our poorest performance to date. It was in that second half which I found the greatest success of my career. We set the tempo immediately, beginning to play the ball around like we normally would and found the spark that had been lacking in the first half. We responded and found ourselves netting two goals to take control of the game. In the closing 10 minutes of the game, they sent a dangerous cross into the box that found the head of an opener striker, forcing me to claw one out of the corner. It is always great to make a big time save but that moment, in that game, was truly the best feeling I've experienced in my career. We'd go on to win the game 2-1 and eventually the league title.
Why was the successful moment was so important to you?
This moment was so important for so many different reasons. Obviously, it is an important win that saw us stay atop the table and in pursuit of the league title. But more importantly, it showed character about the squad and the ability to go against the tempo of the match to succeed. It is easy to experience success when everything goes right, but in times where you find yourself pinned with your back against the wall, the ability to claw your way out is vastly more telling about both an individual and a team’s mentality. Everything about the game was against us: the conditions, the venue, the poor start to the game. That intangible moment to overcome times when things aren't going right for you & force your way to success is the difference between lifting a trophy at the end of the season or coming up empty-handed.
